Some animals don’t just walk beside us—
they become a part of us.
Smudge was that kind of cat.
She wasn’t just a companion—she was the love of my life,
a steady presence, a guide, and a muse
who helped shape the way I see the world
and the way I create.
This is her story, and the story
of how she continues
to live in every part of my life.
The love of my life – the muse behind my artistic journey
There are some animals who don’t just walk beside us—they walk through us. Smudge was that kind of cat for me. She wasn’t just a beloved companion. Smudge was my soulmate in feline form.
Self-contained, deeply present, and somehow always attuned to what I couldn’t even put into words, her presence threaded itself through the heart of my life—especially the parts where words or people couldn’t reach me. She knew. I remember the first time she came into my life—it was like I’d been waiting for her, and she just calmly arrived, as if to say, “I’m here now. This is where I need to be.”
- RIP
- Sweet heart
- so cute
- what she did best
Smudge had this steady, grounded energy. She was rarely pushy or loud. She saw me; though she always stated her needs. On days when I was falling apart or feeling lost, she would quietly settle beside me and just be there. No expectations, no noise—just a soft, anchoring presence. Her purring had a way of softening whatever pain I was holding.
She was always with me. When I wasn’t home, I felt part of me was missing. That kind of connection is hard to explain unless you’ve loved an animal deeply.
Personally Speaking-painting from my book
We shared little adventures. She had a harness, and we’d explore close to home. She loved trees, plants, and other animals. Once I saw her sitting quietly with magpies, bush rats, and even a fox. It sounds made up, but they were just together, like she belonged there.
She didn’t trust easily. Men and children especially would send her running. I think she’d been hurt before I met her and knew what felt safe, setting clear boundaries. Smudge travelled with us through many moves and landscapes. At first, I put her in a carrier, thinking it was right. She nearly died from the stress. Then I learned: front seat, cushion on my lap—that’s how she’d travel. She still hated the vet but would purr on the way home, finally letting go.
She was there through everything—the messy middle of life, the lonely parts, the joyful bursts of creativity. I talked to her more than I talked to most people—honestly, she probably understood me better too.

what she did best
What’s really wild is how much she shaped my art without ever saying a word.
[of course!] When she curled up near my paints or walked across my sketches, she seemed to unlock something—a kind of intuitive flow I couldn’t always access on my own. I think she reminded me how to listen more deeply… to my inner voice, to the animals I paint, to the spaces between things.
Even when she was older, slowing down, there was still so much life in her eyes. That spark never faded. Saying goodbye to her was—well, I don’t have tidy words for it. It broke me open. I held her close, tears soaking my clothes as I whispered every thank you I could think of. Even in those last moments, there was a strange peace—a knowing that the bond we shared wouldn’t disappear with her body. And it hasn’t. Mind you, I worked at it, taking every interspecies connection course I could find, never trusting myself until I learned to trust.
Smudge is in everything I create now. She lives in my inspiration, in the pauses, in the love I pour into each painting and story. She is still teaching me that connection doesn’t end—it just changes form. I am a slow learner!
- gift for Michael
I created a book to honour her life with me, Smudge: Personally Speaking, because I needed a way through letting go. And also because I wanted to share her with others—her soul, her stories, her wildcat kin who speak through her voice.
- finally here
- Lee- the Mighty Wonton
- @wildmovesinternational
Smudge is a companion I’ll never forget—but more truthfully, she’s a soul I’ll never stop loving.
She changed me. And she continues to guide me, every time I stop long enough to tune in.
May you know this deep love of another being.
Thank you for reading this long story. I do appreciate it!
For now keep creative in your world…..blaze
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