Some animals don’t just walk beside us—
they become a part of us.
Smudge was that kind of cat.
She wasn’t just a companion—she was the love of my life,
a steady presence, a guide, and a muse
who helped shape the way I see the world
and the way I create.
This is her story, and the story
of how she continues
to live in every part of my life.

Animals serve as a bridge, guiding you towards deeper connection and creative awakening.

The love of my life – the muse behind my artistic journey

There are some animals who don’t just walk beside us—they walk through us. Smudge was that kind of cat for me. She wasn’t just a beloved companion. Smudge was my soulmate in feline form.

Self-contained,  deeply present, and somehow always attuned to what I couldn’t even put into words, her presence threaded itself through the heart of my life—especially the parts where words or people couldn’t reach me. She knew. I remember the first time she came into my life—it was like I’d been waiting for her, and she just calmly arrived, as if to say, “I’m here now. This is where I need to be.”

Smudge had this steady, grounded energy. She was rarely pushy or loud. She saw me; though she always stated her needs. On days when I was falling apart or feeling lost, she would quietly settle beside me and just be there. No expectations, no noise—just a soft, anchoring presence. Her purring had a way of softening whatever pain I was holding.

She was always with me. When I wasn’t home, I felt part of me was missing. That kind of connection is hard to explain unless you’ve loved an animal deeply.

Personally Speaking-painting from my book

We shared little adventures. She had a harness, and we’d explore close to home. She loved trees, plants, and other animals. Once I saw her sitting quietly with magpies, bush rats, and even a fox. It sounds made up, but they were just together, like she belonged there.

She didn’t trust easily. Men and children especially would send her running. I think she’d been hurt before I met her and knew what felt safe, setting clear boundaries. Smudge travelled with us through many moves and landscapes. At first, I put her in a carrier, thinking it was right. She nearly died from the stress. Then I learned: front seat, cushion on my lap—that’s how she’d travel. She still hated the vet but would purr on the way home, finally letting go.

She was there through everything—the messy middle of life, the lonely parts, the joyful bursts of creativity. I talked to her more than I talked to most people—honestly, she probably understood me better too.

what she did best

What’s really wild is how much she shaped my art without ever saying a word.
[of course!]  When she curled up near my paints or walked across my sketches, she seemed to unlock something—a kind of intuitive flow I couldn’t always access on my own. I think she reminded me how to listen more deeply… to my inner voice, to the animals I paint, to the spaces between things.

Even when she was older, slowing down, there was still so much life in her eyes. That spark never faded. Saying goodbye to her was—well, I don’t have tidy words for it. It broke me open. I held her close, tears soaking my clothes as I whispered every thank you I could think of. Even in those last moments, there was a strange peace—a knowing that the bond we shared wouldn’t disappear with her body. And it hasn’t. Mind you, I worked at it, taking every interspecies connection course I could find, never trusting myself until I learned to trust.

Smudge is in everything I create now. She lives in my inspiration, in the pauses, in the love I pour into each painting and story. She is still teaching me that connection doesn’t end—it just changes form. I am a slow learner!

I created a book to honour her life with me, Smudge: Personally Speaking, because I needed a way through letting go. And also because I wanted to share her with others—her soul, her stories, her wildcat kin who speak through her voice.

Smudge is a companion I’ll never forget—but more truthfully, she’s a soul I’ll never stop loving.
She changed me. And she continues to guide me, every time I stop long enough to tune in.

May you know this deep love of another being.
Thank you for reading this long story. I do appreciate it!

For now keep creative in your world…..blaze

I want to share a prayer I wrote for Smudge.
It surfaced in one of those quiet moments when I felt her near,
even though she wasn’t here.
It’s not refined—just as it came.
Sometimes, when the heart aches,
it speaks in poetry.

Somehow, Smudge always seemed to understand me better than I understood myself.She wasn’t just a cat who shared my home—she shared my life. Every little gesture, every quiet look touched me in ways I never realized- a thread connecting us. Even now, I feel that thread, even in her absence. So here’s my prayer …….

Seed Prayer for Smudge
(for my soulmate cat)

I feel you in my arms,
but you’re not there.

I weep the tears
of quiet despair,
while my heart expands—
into the great unknown
where life begins
and so it  ends.

Maybe you wait there.

I sit in stillness,
a silent prayer.
My body open,
my spirit bare—
still with longing
to feel you near.

In trust,
in stillness,
Our love holds us
Here

Grief has a way of tearing us wide open.
Writing this prayer was just me, sitting with the ache of missing her,
and the quiet comfort of still feeling her close.
Thank you Smudge. I love you always.

From the painting – Personally Speaking – in my Smudge book -check it out.

Thank you so much for reading this Prayer. I love to share with you and it isn’t always perfect.
See you again soon.
Keep creative in your world…blaze

I post often about Smudge and the little book
that I created to honour her life and legacy.
It came to me in unexpected ways
and I am more than a little grateful for
this journey with Smudge that
added a richness to my world
I could not have expected.

Each time I pick it up I am in awe of what I hold in my hands. It truly seems like I had nothing to do with it. Ridiculous of course but I remember being so ‘out of it’ after her passing, I honestly don’t know where it came from. Ot rate I do now but didn’t at the time.   There is so much more to this reality than we know and I am so often gobsmacked by  the process of life, of creation, of how trusting, living in kindness and grace and above all gratitude for the little things can propel us into experiences that we could not have ‘made happen’.

So Smudge and her book were exactly this for me. collection of my own experiences of listening and feeling into Smudges experience of the world – or simply her world through my awareness.

The paintings flowed with ease which is not the norm for me. I have learned to get out of my own way often though after a metaphorical kick in the butt!!!

In hindsight I was so raw in my grief  after Smudge passed dissolving into drawing and writing  was not a thought process rather an energy charge beyond me a contagious pull consumed me. , Smudge, my art often feels like my reason for living.I felt ‘caught’ by the work.

There was no plan, it simply took over, holding my attention from one step to another and before long it was done; a work pulled through my deep sadness into life – a project to honour our time together and bring attention to other beautiful wild endangered cats.

This human experience we all share in some way. This book continues my own journey towards inner growth and expanded awareness. A way of releasing the aches , my story, and embracing a world of magical endless possibility.

Publishing the book was the challenge.
Out of this, my greatest joy is that now Smudge sits with others who take the time to slowly immerse themselves in the healing energy of her pages, as she healed me.

All things are interwoven including artworks and words.
They can  touch something inside each of us, differently.

If Smudge- personally speaking tweaks your interest check her out and the beautiful prints of all the paintings in the book -here on my website –  blazewarrender.com   – the book and prints for you to browse are in ‘SHOP’ – https://blazewarrender.com/product/smudge/

My life lesson from this project – mutual dependency – Smudge reliant on me to evolve and me on her to grow my awareness. This work touched me with inspiration, planted a seed, which got my attention. This is what is need for something to ‘grow’ in us—

Always thank you so much for reading my musings.Wishing you all things creative in your life……blaze